Joshua and I have decided to make it a point this year to read the Bible together everyday and have a time of prayer. I have noticed that this is a very popular "resolution" among my friends and one I think a lot of us make each year as it begins. Instead of my tendency to make a casual statement in my thoughts so I won't be held to any "real" resolutions, I expressed my desire for this to happen with Josh with a sense of urgency. I want this to be an actual change! I did not limit us in any way. There will be no rhyme or reason to our passages, no specific time of day and no required length of reading. I want our focus to be on building a habit, or better said, a relationship with the God that has surrounded us with this beautiful life. We will keep a journal that will document the date, scriptures read and a written out verse that speaks to both of us and sums up our reading.The last year, especially the last 6 months, have been experienced with weakened resolve on both our parts because we had lost our focus on the most important thing of all: Our love of God and our faith and belief that he will more aptly run our lives than we ever will be able.
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1
This is the first verse we read together on January 3rd, the first day we began our daily journal, and I love what a wonderful foundation it is for the rest of the year. Without God at the center of our hearts, lives, actions...anything we do is wasted effort. An added benefit is sharing such intimate and meaningful time with my husband. We need that so much!
The idea of resolutions have been on my mind a lot during these first few days of 2011. As I mentioned, I'm not one to make them. I figure I will most likely not keep them anyway so I save myself the disappointment. This is the first year in a long time that I see changes that desperately need to be made in my life that I am willing to exert the effort to CHANGE. Centering my life around the Lord is first on the list. Second and third? Routine. Social Life. Projects. Wardrobe.
Routine. I need this! I could probably watch the next 20 years of my life pass my by as I sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. I would like to add weekly things to my calender that I can look forward to, plan around and be consistent with. My first is joining a local MOPS group with a church friend. I would also like to have a day designated for grocery shopping, cleaning and errand running...I used to have these things before I was pregnant and my life suddenly turned into a day-to-day blur.
Social Life. I need this to!!! I hate being social. I hate feeling uncomfortable while I mumble through the few topics of small talk I can scrounge together, I hate worrying about looking pulled together and effortless, I hate everything about it! I enjoy the end result of relationships and friends, but I feel like I am so BAD at it! I become reserved and introverted in a group of people and feel as though I'm going to be devoured by them for my lack of social prowess. However, moving forward I would like to be encouraged with the knowledge that God desires us to seek out familiarity with the people around us. I want to open myself to knowing people outside my comfort zone of church and family. I want to be fearless and hungry to reach out to others and in that love them.
Projects. I am such a slacker when it comes to projects! We are only just beginning to hang pictures in our house after living here for almost 2 years. I take weeks and even months to accomplish a task that could be completed in an afternoon. So this year I will give myself a week to do things, unless it just happens to be something that takes longer. When I have something to mail, something to clean, a DIY idea, etc, I will have to have it completed after 7 days or...else.
Wardrobe. This one probably sounds amusing but I am totally serious! Appearance was constantly a topic on my mind in 2010, particularly after giving birth to Elliot in July. While the last few years have shown a huge decrease in my once avid interest in fashion, my decline reached its lowest point after becoming a mom. I think I have worn the same two hoodies and one pair of jeans about 90% of my days post delivery. My question is this: Should I be spending money on clothes for people to gratify my vanity with their approval? Are we not supposed to live for eternity and not this life? I don't mean this in a pretentious way; I am struggling with this topic in all aspects of life. What is really worth investing in? The "perfect" home? The "perfect" collection of "perfect" outfits? How much time do I invest in God in comparison to the time and money I invest in the love of myself?
Here is where I have come out: I am going to go through and get rid of almost everything in my current wardrobe. I will invest in a few staples (a new pair of jeans, a nice pair of boots, etc) and overall plan out a strategic collection of clothing that will be utilitarian as well as pretty and will be intended to last. If you know me at all, you know this might be an impossible feat for me to achieve.
I want to minimalize my life. I want to invest in the right things. I want to look different than the rest of the world. If I am called to love others with God's love then it is time I eliminated the phrases "I deserve this." "I've earned this." "Why not splurge, you work hard!"
The greatest treasures of my life were not earned and certainly not deserved, and I feel increasingly silly as I say those things to myself with such confidence. I do not "deserve" anything simply because I was blessed with living in middle class America. I also do not wish to devote my life to creating an image in this life that, as we are so often reminded, is fleeting.
God loves outwardly and that is how I want to love the people and world around me.
I would like to spend more time helping meet the needs of others than indulging in the minutia of my own life.
We will see how this pans out. I am excited about a year of change, of newness.
