9 months old

Elliot officially turned 9 months old yesterday and that seems impossible. I cannot believe it has been close to a year since I was lying in a hospital bed for a mere (hah) 15 hours before I held my beautiful boy for the first time. I still remember how warm he was...I remember the room was blurry, my head was fuzzy, my eyes were burning with tears and I was a mess taking every bit of him in. The nurse handed him to me and I thought...he is mine? I'm first in line to hold him, kiss him, love him and hug him? It gave surreal a new definition.
Now he is so strong and tall and amazes me every day with the new things he can do. Already the way he needs me has changed. He crawls from one place to another, he can make sounds and tell me what he wants with his chubby hands and smile. He has mastered the tantrum.
His range of food is expanding to exciting things like yogurt (a new favorite), all sorts of fruits and veggies, pasta with good (and good for him) fillings like spinach and turkey, chicken, bread and soup. Of course, cheerios are the classic staple at any meal or snack time.

So here is to my son that somehow keeps finding deeper parts of my heart to fill and steal away. My love keeps growing with him!

Here's what's up

* I have been without a sewing machine for the last two+ years. I have wanted to buy a new one but everytime the funds are there they end up having to go to something that falls in the "need" category instead. The machine is nothing fancy, in fact it is several years old and probably a model meant for beginners...but a sewing machine it is nonetheless.
 I finally tracked down a number to call for replacement parts, ordered my pedal and manual and was planning on waiting patiently till the end of April for them to arrive as the pedal was back ordered. However, there were packages waiting on my doorstep on Tuesday that hailed their early delivery! I cannot wait to dig in to my stack of fabric and whip up something exciting!

* My latest obsession, in place of sewing, is crocheting. ILOVETHIS! Stephanie showed me some basics back in January and since then I have become truly obsessed. It is all I want to do! I am constantly looking through patterns, checking out new yarns, reading about recycling old fabrics to make my own rug yarn! Sewing gives me the same feeling of excitement in regards to creativity, but crocheting is different in that you are actually making the fabric of your project. So neat! Here are a couple of my most recent projects:

Elliot has decided he loves my yarn. Observe:

*After having a very late Bible study on Monday, Josh decided to call in "sick" from work the next day. It was so fun getting to sleep in and have coffee together that morning! Around lunch time we got ready and met with Rob for a reunion Taco Bell hang out. Then we headed downtown to shop the antique stores. It was a day of many steals. I found a really cool gecko decoration for my dad to hang on the fence for only $3, a pretty blouse for me (navy blue with tiny white bows printed all over) for only $10 and a really cool tin for Elliot's nursery for $2! I didn't get pictures of the other two but here is the tin:

I think it goes well with his forest animal theme.

*During our Monday night Bible study prayer card time, I was really encouraged and excited about some of the plans I have for our church's nursery ministry. All of the girls chimed in with thoughts, ideas and plans of action! I can't wait to see it all come together and truly hope it helps awaken a desire for younger generations in our congregation's hearts.

*Tomorrow Josh will be helping at his mother's school, Sundale, for the third year for an event called Weird Life. I believe it has a connection with Young Life, but is for elementary school age. He leads worship before the speaker. This year they are having a bonfire, which could potentially be a lot of fun! I've been helping Josh prepare his list of songs to sing and in this process he believes he has discovered that I can sing. Ha! He is now calling it "my secret." It has been the running joke of this week and has caused endless fits of laughter from me. Apparently I haven't let the world know I have a mediocre voice. I'll get right on that! 

*And at the last minute I am adding that I am fairly certain I will get to see a good friend of mine this weekend. Something to look forward to!

Applesauce

1. Wash, quarter and core apples.

2. Fill saucepan 1in with water, place apples in steam basket and boil water. Cover and steam for 10 min and apples are very tender. Remove from basket and cool completely.

3. Remove skins from cooled apples and puree, adding enough of reserved water from boiling, to desired consistency.

4. Enjoy!

Because poignancy should be noted

Has anyone else been entranced by the show Everwood? It aired a number of years ago but was one of my favorites. I never agreed with all of the shows "opinions," but I always loved that they showed more than one side of an argument. They created a story about real people in a real town...with real life problems. Many shows claim to do this. Most of them don't. Some of what happens in Everwood is extreme or unlikely. A lot of it, like the quote taken from the following episode, are things that are rarely handled with such grace and surprising eloquence.
Andy Brown is the character at the heart of the series, a renowned surgeon who's wife was tragically killed in a car accident, after which he moves his family to a tiny mountain town in Colorado called Everwood. In the episode I'm referring to, a young girl becomes pregnant and is being pushed into having an abortion by her religious family. Andy, having hailed from New York and being the go-to (and only) liberal in the community, is sought out by the girl's father to handle the issue. Surprisingly, Andy can't go through with the procedure. When asked by his friend why, he gives this beautiful reply:

"I've always believed that women should have a right to choose...Julia and I sat on the board together in New York. She thought it was the most important thing a woman owned, and I agreed with her.


Then, about 8 years ago, I did a surgery in utero. It was a spina bifida baby. I was trying to prevent paralysis; it was a best case scenario. The mother wanted to carry it to term. It was a success...and then it was a she. A patient...with a file, a history and a name: Emily. Do you know that you can take a picture of a fetus that's 54 days old? All the organs are visible. Not a  person, not able to live outside of the womb, but a perfect possibility of a person. 


Kate Morris has been pregnant for 62 days.
I don't know when life begins. I don't even know if, for a scientist, that question is answerable. 
But I do know when it ends. And after this year, after losing Julia, I just don't think I can be the one to end it."

It's still a safe answer, not wanting to qualify "when life begins," but to know when it ends? An ending requires a beginning.

The other doctor who actually performs the abortion is a very conservative gentleman, and though he goes through with the procedure he does not agree with it. The show ends with him in confession. I really appreciated for once seeing a show that can present two sides of an argument and come up with the same answer.
For me, abortion has a simple response: It's wrong. I don't agree with it. It makes me sick to my stomach hearing the statistics increase every year. I've heard every possible side of this issue and I'm not looking for a debate. I just watched that particular episode again (I'm going through the 3 of Everwood's 4 seasons) and it always leaves me with the same feeling. And that is all I wanted to say.

The (not so) little things

This, in a few pictures, was my Thursday afternoon and evening. My mom, nephew Landyn, Elliot and I all went to the park, ate at the mall and played in the play area in the food court and then had a nice long round of light saber battling back at my parents' house.

These are the electric moments of my life. My son giggles and his eyes sparkle and I feel something inside me explode with a joy that is indescribable. I am so excited for him to get a little older...he and Landyn already love each other so much but what a sweet thing it will be to watch them run and play together!

After a long Saturday evening of many tears and gallons of hot tea, I am ready to curl up next to my husband in bed and snuggle up with our sweet new pup! YES, we have a PUPPY! I have misplaced (sad day!) my camera at the moment but I will have pictures soon of little miss Faye, in all her iconic and adorable glory.

I can see a lot of life in you

Joshua and I have decided to make it a point this year to read the Bible together everyday and have a time of prayer. I have noticed that this is a very popular "resolution" among my friends and one I think a lot of us make each year as it begins. Instead of my tendency to make a casual statement in my thoughts so I won't be held to any "real" resolutions, I expressed my desire for this to happen with Josh with a sense of urgency. I want this to be an actual change! I did not limit us in any way. There will be no rhyme or reason to our passages, no specific time of day and no required length of reading. I want our focus to be on building a habit, or better said, a relationship with the God that has surrounded us with this beautiful life. We will keep a journal that will document the date, scriptures read and a written out verse that speaks to both of us and sums up our reading.

The last year, especially the last 6 months, have been experienced with weakened resolve on both our parts because we had lost our focus on the most important thing of all: Our love of God and our faith and belief that he will more aptly run our lives than we ever will be able.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

This is the first verse we read together on January 3rd, the first day we began our daily journal, and I love what a wonderful foundation it is for the rest of the year. Without God at the center of our hearts, lives, actions...anything we do is wasted effort. An added benefit is sharing such intimate and meaningful time with my husband. We need that so much!

The idea of resolutions have been on my mind a lot during these first few days of 2011. As I mentioned, I'm not one to make them. I figure I will most likely not keep them anyway so I save myself the disappointment. This is the first year in a long time that I see changes that desperately need to be made in my life that I am willing to exert the effort to CHANGE. Centering my life around the Lord is first on the list. Second and third? Routine. Social Life. Projects. Wardrobe.

Routine. I need this! I could probably watch the next 20 years of my life pass my by as I sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. I would like to add weekly things to my calender that I can look forward to, plan around and be consistent with. My first is joining a local MOPS group with a church friend. I would also like to have a day designated for grocery shopping, cleaning and errand running...I used to have these things before I was pregnant and my life suddenly turned into a day-to-day blur.

Social Life. I need this to!!! I hate being social. I hate feeling uncomfortable while I mumble through the few topics of small talk I can scrounge together, I hate worrying about looking pulled together and effortless, I hate everything about it! I enjoy the end result of relationships and friends, but I feel like I am so BAD at it! I become reserved and introverted in a group of people and feel as though I'm going to be devoured by them for my lack of social prowess. However, moving forward I would like to be encouraged with the knowledge that God desires us to seek out familiarity with the people around us. I want to open myself to knowing people outside my comfort zone of church and family. I want to be fearless and hungry to reach out to others and in that love them.

Projects. I am such a slacker when it comes to projects! We are only just beginning to hang pictures in our house after living here for almost 2 years. I take weeks and even months to accomplish a task that could be completed in an afternoon. So this year I will give myself a week to do things, unless it just happens to be something that takes longer. When I have something to mail, something to clean, a DIY idea, etc, I will have to have it completed after 7 days or...else.

Wardrobe. This one probably sounds amusing but I am totally serious! Appearance was constantly a topic on my mind in 2010, particularly after giving birth to Elliot in July. While the last few years have shown a huge decrease in my once avid interest in fashion, my decline reached its lowest point after becoming a mom. I think I have worn the same two hoodies and one pair of jeans about 90% of my days post delivery. My question is this: Should I be spending money on clothes for people to gratify my vanity with their approval? Are we not supposed to live for eternity and not this life? I don't mean this in a pretentious way; I am struggling with this topic in all aspects of life. What is really worth investing in? The "perfect" home? The "perfect" collection of "perfect" outfits? How much time do I invest in God in comparison to the time and money I invest in the love of myself?
Here is where I have come out: I am going to go through and get rid of almost everything in my current wardrobe. I will invest in a few staples (a new pair of jeans, a nice pair of boots, etc) and overall plan out a strategic collection of clothing that will be utilitarian as well as pretty and will be intended to last. If you know me at all, you know this might be an impossible feat for me to achieve.
I want to minimalize my life. I want to invest in the right things. I want to look different than the rest of the world. If I am called to love others with God's love then it is time I eliminated the phrases "I deserve this." "I've earned this." "Why not splurge, you work hard!"
The greatest treasures of my life were not earned and certainly not deserved, and I feel increasingly silly as I say those things to myself with such confidence. I do not "deserve" anything simply because I was blessed with living in middle class America. I also do not wish to devote my life to creating an image in this life that, as we are so often reminded, is fleeting.
God loves outwardly and that is how I want to love the people and world around me.
I would like to spend more time helping meet the needs of others than indulging in the minutia of my own life.

We will see how this pans out. I am excited about a year of change, of newness.